Feelings of guilt and shame are common in all caregiver stories but if you?re living abroad and working far away from ageing parents, the feelings are exacerbated. You may constantly feel you are not doing enough for them. They were there for you while you were growing up and you’re repaying them by not being there for them when they need you.
As people age, they may battle to remember medicines, prepare meals and even maintain basic hygiene. It’s hard to think about the fact that you’re not able to take care of your ageing parents’ physical needs when you’re living far away. Having some help is vital as they start ageing so they can stay safe, healthy and mentally happy.
Ask for help
You will not be able to handle this situation alone. If you have family living near your parents, they are probably already helping out. If they aren’t, you will need to ask them for help. You can coordinate care by using an online calendar that you make available to family and friends who have offered to help.
You may be able to organize ready-made meals, cleaners etc. and slot this in on your calendar to ease the burden for family and friends. Obviously, caring becomes more difficult if a parent becomes seriously ill.
Arrange In-home caretaking
If you can’t be there physically, arranging in-home caretaking is usually the best option. Through Tandem Careplanning you can interview and select an ideal caretaker from a community of professional, pre-vetted individuals with online profiles.
The Tandem Care team will keep you up to date with your parents’ wellbeing and rewarding interactions with caregivers can provide a great antidote to isolation. You no longer have to worry that your parents are taking their medication, eating properly or getting to a doctor’s appointment.
Stay in touch
Your aging parents need more than just physical or financial support. Emotional support is just as important. Your communication with them if you’re working abroad is extremely important and something your parents are likely to value highly.
Quality communication requires dedication, organization and time, in spite of the technology that helps us to overcome those barriers of distance.
Make arrangements with your parents about how often you will call and the best time of the day to catch up. An evening chat with your parents over Skype may give them something they look forward to every day. You also need to make sure the relationship between your children, if you have them, and their grandparents is maintained and cultivated.
You may feel your parents expect you to quit your work and arrange your life around caretaking them in person. This may be the last thing they want. Living your life in a way that makes your parents proud can contribute to their sense of wellbeing.
Those physically caring for ageing parents often experience burn out. They may feel resentful that they have had to put their lives on hold to focus on caring. Irritation and fatigue may cause them to snap at an elderly parent instead of offering loving support. When you don’t have to cope with the physical caring, you can make the most of your conversations with them.
Look forward to time together
Depending upon how far you are from home, it may be easier or more complicated to visit your parents. If you have a job that’s more flexible, you may be able to arrange visits a couple of times a year. Both you and your parents can look forward to your trips home.
