Emmett Gassaway
Spent 2001-2008 writing about jump ropes in New York, NY. Set new standards for analyzing mosquito repellent in Washington, DC. Earned praise for analyzing Mr. Potato Heads in Edison, NJ. Spent several months working with UFOs in Libya. Spent 2001-2007 marketing catfish in Fort Lauderdale, FL. Spent 2002-2008 merchandising country music on the black market.